On the first day of summer vacation, one of my best friends asked me what my summer intentions were. To be honest, I definitely hadn’t even considered any intentions. I just wanted to have fun, mark things off our bucket list, and continue to enjoy my kids.
It’s a week into summer now and I realize that I need to be mindful this summer. After a seriously hellacious trip to the grocery store with all the kids, where I spent way more than I intended and lost my temper far more frequently than I wanted to I found my summer intentions.
Now, to be fair. They are B.A.S.I.C. but they are things that I need to focus on. They are things that will allow my children to have good days as well. They’re basic things that will help me be a kind human. I want to be the best version of myself. I want to be kind and generous. So, here are my intentions for the summer. Do YOU have intentions this summer? If so, sound off down below.
Today I started listing some clothes on Poshmark. I have so many things that I’m not wearing, or that don’t fit, or just aren’t ME anymore. Also, who is ME March 11, 2019? That’s a hella good question! I can tell you physical descriptors-platinum bob, green eyes, size 9 shoe, size 29 pant. I could tell you how much I weigh but none of those things define me.
In listing these clothes I came across a photo from almost exactly 3 years ago and I truly and honestly barely recognized myself.
The craziest part is while I’m about 30 lbs lighter in this picture, I remember the same uncomfortableness that I have now. That there were parts that still needed to shrink to fit into this mold. I’m glad there are so many body positivity movements right now, that this topic is being talked about instead of ignored and swept under the rug. (Or carpet as Kyle from RHoBH would say.)
I’m learning to love and appreciate the new body I’ve been given…I gotta admit my new belly button is CUTE. I’m also trying to get into the strong mindset. To get back to the girl that worked out because she *liked* it not just because she wanted a calorie deficit. The one that could just run 6-8 miles and be cool. I don’t think I have the desire to run a half marathon ever again but a 10K would be cool.
Believe That i know that my body has been through some SHiT the past 365 days. My mental state as well. And I’m not mad at myself for gaining weight nor will I be punishing myself. I’m going to continue the #LowCarbLife That I’ve been doing for the past week, and slowly start exercising again. I guess I should put to use that treadmill and elliptical in the garage, eh??
My sweet friend, Donna, sent me a care package before phase 2. Inside was a tiny plush Hermione doll and this awesome book.
Inside, as one would suspect, are 3000 Questions About Me. Don’t worry, I’m not answering all of them right here, right now. Nor will I be posting a question a day with a detailed answer.
I am, however,answering the first question.
1. What is your idea of perfect happiness?
Perfect happiness is simple and found in the smallest details. A cuddle with the pups. Emilia’s tiny hand slipping into mine as we cross a street. Owen’s fluffy curls bouncing on the trampoline while he laughs. Gabriel excitedly telling me about something I know nothing about and Julian’s reaction when I tickle him. (You do know he’s too cool for me, right?) Watching a movie with the love of my life. (PS we watched Bird Box on NYE and I’m thinking about cutting my hair like Malorie’s in the beginning?)
Life isn’t perfect. Nothing is. That doesn’t mean it isn’t something to be cherished and celebrated.
So, tell me friends, what is your idea of perfect happiness?
It’s been kind of a hard week so far. Emilia had a tooth pulled on Tuesday. She banged it several times, once on the side of my footboard, once on a bench outside the lemonade stand, and probably a lot of other times I can’t remember. She’s had a filling before and did so great with it but the idea of them wiggling out her tooth was very stressful for her. Of course, in true Emilia fashion, she rocked it. She sat still as they did it and watched Sponge Bob contentedly. She told me after that it was much scarier in her head. Once she was at the dentist it wasn’t so bad. She’s so wise, so brave and so small.
Today, as I was getting dressed, she walked into my room. I’ve tried to be very honest with my kids about this upcoming surgery and why it’s happening and all of that. She watched intently as I put on my bra.
“So, you’re having surgery. Or are you having stitches?”
“Both, baby. I’m having surgery and stitches. I’ll have stitches here,” I said and pointed to the underside of my breast, and up to the nipple which made her laugh, “and here.” I pointed to my belly then.
“So, they’re going to cut off your boobs and then put your belly there?”
“Yep, pretty cool.”
“Mama, why do you have to have surgery?”
“To make sure I don’t get sick.”
“Do I have to have surgery?”
“I don’t know. You might. We won’t know until you’re older.”
“But, I don’t want to have surgery.”
“I know, baby. I don’t want you to have to have surgery, either.”
Statistics say 2/4 of my kids are mutants. My feeling is that all 4 of them probably are. (please please please let my gut be incorrect in this instance) I definitely don’t regret having my kids. I love them so so so so much but it feels so heavy to know that I have probably passed on this mutation to at least 2 of them. To know that my tiny little five (and a half) year old is thinking about potentially needing surgery is so so so hard. I was blissfully unaware of my mutant status until less than a year ago and my poor babies have to face it head on. I’m SO glad that I know. I’m SO grateful to be able to be proactive and PREVIVE. It hurts so much to know that my babies will potentially have to do the same. I mean, it’s probably a good thing that 75% of my kids are boys and it’s just an elevated risk of breast cancer/prostate cancer and melanoma. But, Emilia. Damn.