To the me that I knew before

They say with age comes wisdom. While I don’t disagree I also can’t profess to be an expert on anything. Literally, nothing. There are things I’m better than average at, sure. Things I’m not the worst at, but definitely don’t feel as though aging has brought about endless fountains of knowledge and wisdom. There are a few things that I would have known when I was younger, sure. There are things I’m trying to impress upon my children so they don’t have to needlessly suffer, or wrestle with, or trudge through. So here it goes. To the me that I knew before…

1. You are not fat. Seriously I look at old high school pictures and see such a healthy and strong teenager. I know the thoughts behind those green eyes. I can see the discomfort within that body. I wish I knew that hardly anybody ever feels like that have it together. Not at 16 and even at 36.
2. Do your best. Enjoy your childhood/high school life just a little bit more. I worked close to full time through my junior and senior year. Maybe it helped instill a strong work ethic, or maybe it just made me needlessly stressed about assignments and projects. I don’t regret it but wish I would have tried out for a sport or went to more high school games.
3. Boys are dumb. Ok, this is kind of mean but I was not the girl that got asked to dances, or asked out on a date. We didn’t have promposals, or social media but that wouldn’t have changed anything except made it more painfully apparent that I wasn’t asked out. Baby Christia, you are not defined by others opinions of you.

I’m 36. When I was 16 I felt like 36 was so grown up. That surely someone that is 36 would have their lives together. Would feel confident and strong in their identity. In some ways that’s true. I have a job I love. Many children and a husband that I adore. I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. To the me that I knew before, not knowing what’s coming next is just fine too.