Raise your hand if stepping on an errant LEGO has caused you to curse!
The past few days I’ve felt like a lego. All sharp edges and hardness. I haven’t felt like the mother and human I strive to be. Maybe it’s the full moon. Maybe it’s mercury being in retrograde. Maybe we’ve reached the point in summer that we all tired of each other and need to spend some time apart. All I know is that I’ve not been happy, the kids haven’t been happy, and we’ve all spent too much time on technology.
Tuesday was my breaking point. I just wanted to cry as hardness oozed out of me. My words were sharp and unkind. My patience was non existent. I was driving the struggle bus at breakneck speed. I decided to take the kids out of the house and didn’t care really what we did. We just needed sunshine and out of the house and away from technology.
Wednesday morning, we all got dressed and headed to pcb. On the to do list was visit the library, keep kids away from technology and find something to do. We ended up at target for a few essentials. We were planning on checking out Frank Brown Park for the very first time. Target was a time suck, an air conditioned, well stocked, time suck. We got sunscreen, hi sunbum, snacks and drinks, my flamingo replacement blades. Gabriel got a book. It’s a mid summer miracle because he chose it. Some more snacks and treats. In target e lost her mind a couple times. The gimmes got her. 
But somehow, I was able to find my patience. I got down on her level and explained why we weren’t getting x, y, z. She listened and understood. We honestly walked out with not much more than we walked in for and that is another mid summer miracle. Please, please please know that I am not saying I handled the scenarios perfectly. I know I probably messed something up. But I was finding my softness again.
We had lunch with Barry. The kids gobbled up Culver’s, and then we went to old navy to get a kickstart on school clothes shopping. ALL of Julian’s shirts and uniform shorts are too small. Lucky for him, he has a marginally smaller brother that can still wear that size. And landsend had a great sale with free logos so I ordered 7 shirts and 2 hoodies for around $100. 
We came home, rested for 30 mins. I think that’s the key. Mandatory quiet time. No tech. Just chill. And then went to the pool. All four swam. They hardly fought. 
Today, we were able to scratch splash pad from our summer bucket list. Frank Brown Park/PCB Aquatic Center is awesome. The kids all passed the swim test for all access. 
Summer is waning. It’s unreal how quickly it passes. I’m trying to be present. To soak them up. To know and recognize that they’re as small as they’ll ever be. To take notice of the peach fuzz that’s on Julian’s upper lip, and recognize that for now, he still likes me. He thinks I’m funny still and not a complete embarrassment. He’s a great helper.
Motherhood is hard but I have to learn to embrace the hard without letting it change me. I want to be their soft place to land. I want to ALWAYS be that. I needed to pause and remember that.