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Finding my passion

Once upon a time, not that long ago, I loved to run. I ran every. single. day. I looked forward to lacing up my shoes, strapping on a couple of sports bras and going. In some pants I could see the muscles of my legs flex and stretch with every step I took. I. Loved. It. I was never fast. But my endurance was great. I would run, voluntarily, on the treadmill. I watched hours and hours of television shows while running my ass off (quite literally I’m afraid).

We moved to Florida, I sold my treadmill and kept running. I trained for a half marathon and hated it. The race itself. The training wasn’t the problem. It was a Disney Princess half and I had worked so hard and couldn’t even run with all the princesses in front of me. I had a PR though. A time to beat. Surely the seaside half the following week would be better. And it was, kinda. Except my knee hurt from the weird angles of 30-A. I don’t typically have knee pain while running so I definitely felt as though I had to baby it. Still! I beat my race time! Go me.

And then I kinda stopped running. I told myself it was just resting from back to back half marathons. Thanksgiving came around and I signed up for the 10k. Finally a sweet spot race distance. Love a 10K.

Then, BRCA1 happened. And surgery. And a busted ass knee. And then surgery again. I want to find something I love again. Maybe it’s running (not half marathons). Maybe it’s yoga. Or Pilates. Or barre.

I’ve been working more, and kids are about to be done with school. It’s time, right now, (ok maybe not at 12:09 am) to carve out this time for me. It is a great transitional time since everything is changing. (Holler for no 6 AM have to wake up calls after next Wednesday!!)

How do I retrain my mind to love running again. Do I need rewards? Like if I run 5 days a week I get something specific and dope? I really miss the solitude and solace I found when running. Surprisingly I can’t listen to music while running. The tempo changes stress me out to much and impact my pace in weird ways. I can’t find my stride, though currently my stride is a brisk walk soooooooo.

What are some rewards or mini goals that I should have? I think just carving out the 30-45 mins it’ll take for me to run/walk a couple miles is the challenge for me right now. I guess just figuring out what the challenge is, what is holding me back from even attempting to run is helpful. Knowing that I need to make the opportunity happen while my kids are home is helpful. Identifying the potential hindrance points is beneficial as well.

Thanksgiving is coming and there’s another 10K. On my way to print off my 10K training plan. I mean, probably I should learn again how to run a complete mile, yeah? Gotta start somewhere.

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