Yikes

IMG_7852So, it’s been a while. I think I’ve kind of buried my head in the sand ostrich style. We are comfortably in our summertime routine. I work M, F and Saturday. Sunday is our family day. We’ve gone to Shipwreck Island, a water park that the kids have been begging to go to for the 3 years we’ve lived here. Had multiple pool parties, eaten many hamburgers and hotdogs from the grill. Tues-Thurs is my time to get things done around the house, ignore laundry, work on projects that don’t need to be completed, you know. the usual. I’m loving every second with these kids…ok maybe not EVERY second. The seconds where they’re fighting with each other I could do without. We’ve made some really fun memories and have checked off so much from our Summer Bucket List already!

Surgery is less than 3 months away. Really, it’s like 2.5 months at this point. Every time I get dressed/undressed I am critically assessing my body in the mirror. I try to envision what I’m going to look like after surgery. I’ve seen so many incredible transformations yet I’ve seen just as many where the woman isn’t happy with her outcome. I’ve never been particularly fond of any part of my body. I appreciate all aspects but I’ve never been in love with any part. My legs are strong, they can carry me many many miles. My stomach is riddled with stretch marks thanks to the ginormous babies I birthed. (Ok they were all in the 8 lb range but they stretched me out!) I’m grateful for every stretch mark but I don’t LOVE them. I have stretch marks on my butt and thighs from my growth spurt in middle school. They’ve faded but they’re there. I’ve never much liked my arms. I have the hello grandma flappy arm thing and for a long time I refused to wear anything that showed them. Yep, I was the one in the 3/4 length sleeve when it was 19,000º degrees outside because the horrors of my upper arm. Now, I guess I would rather not overheat. I’m staying positive about the outcome, and really, not many people see me naked. So like even if I’m not exactly thrilled with the physical outcome, the fact that my breasts will no longer be trying to kill me, I mean that’s worth it all, right? I’m appreciative of all aspects of my body. My uneven boobs, I’m looking at you lefty. The wobbly skin that is remnant from the 4 full term pregnancies and the 1 that didn’t make it. My love handles. My pancake booty. It’s all part of me but doesn’t define me.

We have our airbnb booked for my stay in New Orleans. I think we have our plan in place for the kids, for me. I canceled my appointment in Birmingham to meet with their plastic surgeon and breast surgeon. I feel 100% in my decision to have surgery in New Orleans. I don’t need to drive to Birmingham for that affirmation. My LAST breast MRI and mammogram is scheduled for 8/8 in Birmingham and I’m hoping to go to Atlanta to see the LOML Matt Nathanson in concert. You know, one last glimpse, one last bit of fun before the heavy stuff happens.

Any time I go to any sort of appointment, when I come back, Emilia asks if my boobs turned into my belly yet. I mean she’s got it just a little backwards but it’s adorable nonetheless! I’ve started collecting button pajama tops and loose fitting bottoms. By starting I mean I have one pair. ha! Mackenzie gave me a wedge pillow and a shower chair. Things I never would have thought about needing. I should probably make myself a surgery supply list and keep track some how.
If you’ve had a mastectomy with our without reconstruction, what are some of your must haves??

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