You know how sometimes it seems like all of the most amazing and fun things happen at one time and that one time is just not a good time for you? Like almost impossible? That’s where I’m at right now. If you know me at all, you know that I LOVE music. I love concerts and live music and friends and the fact that there’s this common thread amongst people you wouldn’t ordinarily share space with. It’s a bond.
Last February, I went on my first cruise. It was Train’s Sail Across the Sun cruise. I didn’t go for Train but I did go for my fave. If you know me even a little bit, you know I’m addicted to Matt Nathanson’s music. It’s my fall back, my ol’ faithful. Whenever life feels like it’s spinning out of control I can turn on any one of his songs and it brings things back down to focus. There are other bands and musicians I enjoy, of course, but no other give me things grounding feeling.
Matt has a new album coming out “soonish” and is heading out on the road with O.A.R. this summer. You’d think that would be perfect, right? But there are these little people that call me mom, and these other little things called jobs and then this other pesky thing called a prophylactic bilateral mastectomy happening this summer. These are like bucket list kind of venues, RED ROCKS are you kidding me?? The day before my surgery. And he’s going on another cruise, this time The Rock Boat and the line up is incredible and I want to go so so so bad but it’s in February. I should be having my phase 2 at the end of December assuming all things heal well. I don’t know how I’ll feel after that or what revisions they’ll have to make. I just feel like all of these fun and amazing things are happening and I’m just sitting here waiting.
Don’t mind me, I’m just over here sitting by myself. Pity-party of one?
I’ve had a few friends message to see how I’m doing. Or to ask what’s next. Truth is it’s just a waiting game at this point. Surgery is scheduled for 9/11. I’m heading to New Orleans to meet my surgeons on 4/9. (also Jana and I are going to eat pretty much ALL of the beignets in NoLa, sorry, not sorry)
I have my next set of scans scheduled for 8/8. MRI, mammogram with u/s and another appointment with Julie (remember I say her name with a billion heart eyes). I’m in a really weird place where I don’t want to lose weight, I mean who doesn’t want to lose like 5-10 lbs but I might need those LBs for my boobs! But i do want to exercise so my body is strong and powerful and capable of healing. It’s weird. I’m really just trying to focus on balance with food and exercise and not on the scale. And my clothes still fit and I get to eat ice cream from Blue Mountain Creamery so it’s a win. I’m finding that there are certain foods that cause me to be irritable and short tempered and I am trying to avoid them as much as possible.
It’s been a slight adjustment to me working 3 days a week. I LOVE working! I feel productive and appreciated and capable. And when I come home? My kids are stoked to see me. It’s a win-win. Trying to find a scheduling balance with meal planning, LuLaRoe, and my kids’ activities has been the biggest challenge with this new chapter. Instead of Tuesday/Thursday being our busy night it’s now Monday/Friday with Tues/Thurs following close second. Finding quick and nutritious dinners for those 4 nights is my new reality. Or there’s always pizza, right?
This weekend, FancyPants knocked into Emilia and caused her to split her lip on the counter. We think that’s what happened. It’s either that or a werewolf. She needed three stitches to close up the laceration. It wasn’t wide as much as it was deep and it was right on her lip. We’ve been talking a little about stitches and how she’s the first kid to have them. I made a comment about having to have stitches after my surgery and of course she asks what kind of surgery I’m having. I didn’t know what to say! How do you explain to a five year old what’s going to happen without scaring the daylights out of her? I mean if I think about it too much I get freaked out. I’m grateful for the technology available to give me the option of being prophylactic at this but I still don’t know how to explain it to my littlest baby. It’s still surreal to be thinking about this huge surgery but I know it’s what I need to do.
Life is pretty messy. I mean, daily we try to tidy it up. Keep things neat and orderly. At least I do. I’m not talking about my house, lawd knows that’s a hot mess on the daily but life, real life. It’s so much easier to keep things in their tidy little cube. To compartmentalize. I’m finding that when life gets the messiest is when we are being challenged and encouraged to grow. Things get hectic and overwhelming and yet we overcome. Life gets stressy and messy and we are able to come through whatever valley we are in and end up on higher ground.
Life is messy but we are meant to clean it up. To know that we are part of a plan bigger than our mess. via Daily Prompt: Messy